day 10 big stuff

Day 10 has me blogging food pictures and drink recipes.

My apologies, I am not apologizing.

I’m feeling myself right now, honestly. I’m feeling my presence and the way I can change my home and my life by making little shifts.

Moving the furniture in the living room is my go to for a mood shift. My friends joke that every time they come over I have a new living room.

Deleting these apps feels like that. It feels like making a move with what I have in front of me so that it feels more livable, likable, and usable.

I feel more livable, likable, and usable right now than I have in a long time.

I also walked into the edge of my bedroom door with my forehead and ended up concussed for most of Mother’s Day weekend. The headache is still hanging on, as well as the bitter sting of embarrassment for the lamest concussion story possible.

Just in case you were wondering.

Also my anxiety is rearing. I can feel it swelling. I can feel a tidal wave forming. I’m ready for it with my go to tools. Fitness routine, vegetables, water, essential oils, and my support people. But when I feel it coming on like this, I also feel mad. Mad because I know it’s not my fault and I know I am doing so many good things for myself right now. I’m doing these things consistently.

There is no logical reason for my anxiety to continue to persist through medications and a healthy lifestyle and my awareness of it all. But that’s how sicknesses work. Sometimes they persist no matter how well prepared we feel or how medically aware we are.

Anyway. I’m well into my second week without social media to cushion all the things I feel and think in a day and I’m feeling myself and my life. Even in this quarantine of weird isolation and fear. I feel grateful, it’s a bigger sense of gratitude than I have encountered before.

Big gratitude. Big feels. Big stuff is shifting, I can feel it.

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